This is it. The last day of 2016. It is hard to believe that another year has gone by so quickly. It was a tumultuous year for me. In the beginning, every day was a battle and my sobriety hung in the balance. I often felt it creeping up my body until it was choking me ever so slowly. Hoping that I would give in and fall away into the darkness. I still have days like those, but not nearly as often as before. When I started gaining traction in the real world, things started to change. I no longer wanted to be locked away inside myself. I wanted to be something better, something more. I felt like the Grinch at the end of his story and my heart didn’t feel quite so small.
This lead me down another long and difficult road, but not in the way that it was before. It was more of a challenge, like a race. I wanted so much all at once that I didn’t even know where to begin, but I knew I had to start somewhere. I gathered myself and made a decision. The first real “life choice” I’d made in years. I started going back to school. At first, I was thinking too big. I took on too much too fast and quickly lost interest and faith in myself. I failed one of my classes because I gave up right at the end. What I did learn was that I love marketing. I aced the class and learned so much that it became the logical choice for me. So, I made another decision. I changed my major to marketing.
Everything just kept adding up. I had forgotten how much I loved business. I forgot how good it made me feel to be in charge. But I started remembering. I started to remember all the things I used to love. It all came back, like when you ride a bike after years of not. Your body remembers the movement and you just keep moving forward, however unsteady, until you’re riding again.
All these decisions I’d made. They felt so good. It felt so amazing to be something more than I was. Something real. A person that goes out and interacts with the world. That was something I hadn’t been in a very long time. It was such a good feeling that I decided I should share it with the world. I knew I couldn’t be the only person that hit 30 and said, “is this really my life?”. I knew I wasn’t the only person that thought that and then wanted to do something about it. So I decided to create CEO Girl. To me, it is a representation of a time for change. A time where you quit accepting the way things are now and start working toward the way you want things to be. It is the manifestation of my resolve. The thing inside of me that helped me grow into the person that I am now.
I decided that documenting my journey was another way I could add value to the world. I wanted everyone to see that it is possible to change, and I’m living proof. I wanted to share my victories and my failures. I wanted to share a realistic version of how people wake up one day and dare to be different. How they dream big dreams and then go out and chase those dreams.
All that has brought me to where I am now.
It has brought me to the edge of what was and what could be.
This last day of 2016.